The First Paper

So I'm gonna have my first paper of the examarathon later at 5pm. I'm just scribbling now because I've done what I can and come what may, I will survive the day.

I can't wait for Saturday. The Last Paper. And then it will be 1 week of chionging experiments and バイト then I will be off to explore another part of the world I have never explored in my life yet. Thanks to the unexpected decision on the part of Pomelo's family, and they decided to pack me in their suitcase! 

I'll be going to Yogyakarta! I've never been to Indonesia so it'll be exciting. I think it's gonna be cultural but that also means it'll be mystical and beautiful right? I hope so anyway. I'm not a big places-of-worship-visiting person but time to time it's alright. Good to see the world in any new way.

And then in 5 days I will be back! Back working on my thesis and experiments and バイトagain and in no time, school will start and the cycle will repeat. Just that this time, it will end when it ends. That will be the last of it. And I can be released to enjoy my freedom! Release my creativity! Search for the meaning! 

Urhm. okay i better go now. ta.

Oh yeh. I bought a clock from the Pasar Malam! It's too inspiring. Larvit.

I'm in Somnia.

This is bad. People go to Narnia, I go
in Somnia.

I'm starting to get insomnia again. Alright alright, I'm not supposed to call it insomnia as much as it simply is an irregular body clock else my education has accomplished naught to this day.

Afterall, it occurs on and off. Well it used to happen all the time but I managed to transform into some sort of solid rock of a nemurimonster as I'm gonna be calling it, and I managed to actually sleep within like a bunch of tens of minutes of hitting the cosy corner.

But these past few days have been like the bane of all bedsheets. Like, they aren't getting any love. I just don't feel ready for bed. My mind is awake and blasting out on all sorts of frequencies. I'm racing against my own thoughts and worries. It's all madness in there. Madness that has to be reigned in to get a pinch of sleep.

I've been worrying about job applications, growing fatter, growing unhealthier, worrying about the modules, the uncertainty I'm having towards what I'm learning in particular classes, worrying, worrying, worrying. Worrying about things that I never used to worry about. I'm starting to be inclined towards the lives of others, starting to feel awe and jealousy at the seemingly smooth roads, the completed journey, the end of the tunnel. Wanting that kind of life that is just not me.

Since when did I care about such things. Since when did I start having "idols" and finding someone else I wanted to be?

No. I will not have that. I will do what i do and accomplish what I will. And I will not look at the lives of others and imagine myself in it because that no real way to live. My own world is my own world and I will mould it according to my own merits and my own abilities. No over-the-top or underestimating.

Bah. I don't even know what I'm saying. What I'm trying to say is, my mind is in a big confusion now and I need to bring it back to earth so i can get some sleep.

Toodles and noodles.

Poem for A Bug I Saw

The world is filled with brilliant things
Amongst the rush, amongst the haste
These brilliant things we should not waste
Our eyes can taste, devour the view
We never saw, we never knew
In all our searching, we don't find
the precious things, can't satisfy
but precious things, are right in view
We only have to look to know.

When We Fall Down. We Get Up.

But not in Space you don't.

So today I watched Gravity. It was the most beautiful, amazing, awe inspiring depiction of space I've seen so far. It encompassed all my deepest fears and re-ignited my greater interests in Outer space. See, when I was a kid, I wanted to be an astronaut. Seriously. I had a notebook where I made notes of space related things (arranged in alphabetical order), like asteroids, black holes, nebulas, super novas... unfortunately I abandoned the dream when I realised I had to go to the US and stuff like that to be an astronaut. I wasn't ready to leave home.

So anyway this movie most certainly moved my heart in the most strangest of ways. I wanted to cry when I saw the hopelessness of Sandra Bullock, drifting off into the darkness of endless worlds, with a voice that no one would hear. I felt my heart collapse when the camera panned upon the magnificence of the Earth, mainly because my heart couldn't take it. The vastness. The distance we were from the troubles on the lands. The peace. Except it wasn't quite peaceful because of all the debris and whatnot splintering and shattering across the void, filling it with their frightening glimmers and piercing through the darkness at the speed of light.

Space is frightening. But also so calming. Just so amazing. Our world is.

And realising that you can never stop spinning and spinning and spinning if you lose control. There's no force, no friction, no air to stop you. You just can't stop. What will you do?

And knowing that when you pass a certain altitude you will just keep falling and falling, down to Earth. There's nothing you can do because everything is so much bigger and more powerful than you. I always look at the stars, if i'm outside and I get to see the dark skies at night. But now I will certainly look at them differently. I will be thinking of a further away place, beyond the blur of them glittering teardrops....

Man, the world sure is huge. Even though many say it's a small world afterall.