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Even though thanksgiving is over, I feel extremely thankful, today in particular, about being "forced" to continue with my studies and doing my Honours Year by marmee noodles. All I thought about was the project and how tough and painful it was going to be (before I even chose a project at that time) and I thought little of what satisfaction and achievement I would gain through it. Even now I feel mostly exhausted every day, and I'm seeing stars both during the day and at night, and sometimes I wish I could leave my project aside and do some drawing and some dreaming... but I'm certainly thankful that along with my project, I also have my modules.
The modules I've taken over the past year have really been inspiring. Not all, but the ones that have been are enough to make up for the ones that haven't. Notable examples being Global Change Biology, and currently, Tropical Conservation and Ecological Systems (a geog module). Although I've only had 1 or 2 lectures for the latter two, I feel like I'm ever more keen to learn about the world, and that what I've learnt to date pretty much amounts to nothing. It's the attitude of the lecturers that really extract an interest in impressionable stewdents like myself. A stewdent being a human being that's really more like a pot of stew, having random things thrown into it and being slowly boiled and brewed into something delicious - something that perhaps could be fed to others too and have the ingredients/information transferred. Hopefully all that would not simply be passed out as crap, but of course, even crap goes back into the Earth as fertilizer.
Through my project I can feel my limits being pushed ever to the max. I don't remember ever being so tired in my life and now is merely the beginning. But when I share my project with others, they all have the same bewildered and also curious reaction (maybe to make me feel better, but mostly genuine in my impression) that makes me feel that my project has some sort of baby thumbprint on them already, before it's even halfway complete. And I feel that my efforts are worth something, and that the outcome would not simply be a certificate.
I feel an even stronger reason to be studying what I'm studying as I find out more and more, even if I don't become a scientist in the future, because the lessons are so closely linked to life, that i could not simply live without knowing about those things. Just being part of this Earth is my reason for wanting to attend classes about conservation and ecology and biodiversity, even if I don't know if I will contribute greatly to the advancement of these pursuits. Attending many of these lessons make me sad (especially global change) because they expose me to the real troubles of the world, and I tried to hide from them before because I didn't want to feel sad about them, but now I think being sad is good, because it helps when you want to stop being sad, and start to think of ways to do something about the bad stuff. And many of the people doing something for conservation out there are probably doing it because the sad state of the earth makes them sad too.
Like, I am more determined to pursue my forest lifestyle, and more motivated to try to resist the temptation of the modern stuff (sadly, i say this while typing on my smartphone). As much as possible I will try.
I start to get incoherent when I say too much, but this is just me ranting, really.
Anyway. I really just meant to say that I'm thankful that I'm still in school learning about things that matter to me instead of hiding from them, and instead of being just adsorbed in working and making money to satisfy all my material desires, of which there are plenty, and which i may get swallowed up in, and forget the things that matter more.
So thanks ma! You really do know best!
